96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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