You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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