2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
