just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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