A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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