I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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