Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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