It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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