Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize