so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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