She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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