He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
