did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
