I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
