Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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