I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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