Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
