Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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