i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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