I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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