I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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