I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
