Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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