I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my poor anus
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
