He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
