I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
