The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
