Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
