You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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