I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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