He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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