Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
