and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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