You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
