thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
