i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
