i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
tequila makes me forget i have legs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
