You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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