No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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