i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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