I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
