the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
