I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
