My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
