I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
