Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
