SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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