I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
