hotel room ftw
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
