he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
