I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
