so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
