God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
