Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
