The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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