Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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