I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
