ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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