I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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