Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
