he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
