i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
