i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
