I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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